Goodbye
by x goodbye is bittersweet x
Summary: OQ Prompt "I miss you" / One shot / What if this talk of fate was bullshit? It had said he was the one, but he was dead, and she didn't know how she was going to live without him.


**"I miss you," -OQ prompt**

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 _Goodbye_

It was cold in the graveyard, freezing even. But her focus was not on the fact that she was shivering, or that her fingers were numb, it was on the grave in front of her, the grave that she'd _never_ wanted to see.

 _His_ grave.

A trembling hand crept from her pocket, tracing the lion crest etched into the marble. His tattoo. His _damn_ tattoo. The tattoo that meant so much, the lion tattoo. Her fingers brushed over the engraved message, the words falling from her mouth as each letter was explored with a painted black nail.

" _Robin Hood. Devoted father, lover, and leader. Gone from our sight, but not from our souls. A true hero, forever in our hearts."_ her voice quavered with each word, her hand dropping back to her side.

"I miss you..." Regina breathed, not fighting the tears that welled, glazing over chocolate irises. "I miss you _so so much..._ You weren't supposed to leave, not that soon.. It should've been _me_ , not you. It should've been _me_! He was supposed to kill _me_ , not you, and how can I be angry that you were a hero? How can I be? But the thing is, I am... because if you hadn't been a hero, you would still be here, you would still be with your son, with your Merry Men. People would bound to have gotten over my death sooner or later, after everything I've done, but you... you touched the hearts of so many, Robin. And I know you would've taken care of Henry, you would've acted as his father if I had died, if things had gone the way they were supposed to," she took a breath, kneeling by the marble grave, kneeling and then sitting, leaning against it. It was almost as if she was expecting it to be Robin, as if she was expecting his hand to wrap around her shoulders and pull her closer to him like he used to.

"I shouldn't be mad at you, but I am," the brunette repeated, "because you're dead, and with you I was happy. Now that you're gone, everything's come crashing down and honestly, I don't know if I can survive it this time. I've survived my world crumbling many times, but this is the one that's going to kill me I think. Every other time, someone was here for me, for a while it was you, and now who will it be? You're not here to convince me it's going to be okay," her voice trembled, hand shaking. Regina Mills did not cry often, but it had been a while since she'd let herself say everything that was on her mind. To him, at least.

 _The last time she'd done it, he was standing by her, looking at her. The last time she'd done it, he was breathing. The last time she'd done it, he was alive._

She didn't say anything more for a while, head leant against the marble, tears running down her cheeks. She needed him to be here, she needed him to wipe away her tears and hug her tightly. She needed him to tell her a joke, needed to see his grin again. The grin that illuminated his face, that made his eyes sparkle and a dimple crease his cheek. Maybe this was all a nightmare? Some wicked joke her mind was playing on her whilst she was actually sleeping - in his arms - and when she woke up, he would be there with a gentle smile, asking how she slept. She would tell him about the nightmare, he would say that no fear, she was stuck with him for a while longer and he wasn't easy to get rid of. She would gently swat his shoulder, rolling her eyes, but a smile would creep onto her face because _damnit_ he made her happier than anyone had in a long time. This was all a nightmare, right? That tight feeling in her heart was just her body telling her to wake up, right? _Wake up, wake up, wake up..._

...but no, when she opened her eyes, she was still in the graveyard. The cold was still swirling around her. The grave was still beside her. The man she loved was still dead.

"Why am I still here? I know you're not coming back, as much as I try to convince myself this is all fake, I know it's real. So why do I keep coming back here, the place that reminds me more and more of the reality? You know, I can barely go into my own _office_ without breaking down. Every time I look at the floor, it's like I expect to see your body there, Robin, and that terrifies me. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to get that image out of my head." maybe she was crazy, coming here simply to talk to nothing but a carved message? Maybe crazy was better than being heartbroken. Maybe another curse would spread and cause her to forget everything, forget him... Did she really want that? Sure, every memory now made her want to cry, but without those memories, who would she be? If Robin had never existed in her life, what would she have become? There were pros and cons to both forgetting him and continuing to live with the heartbreak.

"See, even when you're dead, you still irritate me, thief," the queen chuckled shakily, a weak smile crossing her lips, "I still can't make up my mind over you. Gods, I remember the first time I couldn't... It was the tattoo, see? If you hadn't had that damn tattoo, everything would have been different, but it reminded me of a time when I was too weak, too _scared_ , to go after what I really wanted. I didn't believe that after all those years, you'd turned up in my life again. It was as if I fell for you straight away, which is stupid because love at first sight doesn't exist. I reckon it was just fate pulling on the strings. We have Mary Margaret to thank for me finally deciding to act on my feelings. Strange, right? Snow actually came in use for once. And I realised I couldn't be scared anymore, otherwise you would go before I even had the chance, and that would've been more painful, so I did it. I acted on my feelings and I kissed you, Robin Hood, and it felt so damn good. Honestly, I was still scared, part of me thought you didn't like me back, that I was making it all up in my head... I wonder what would've happened if I had turned back like you'd suggested, back in the tunnel.. I forgive you, you know, for getting angry at me. I forgive you. You were worried, it's not your fault..." Regina took a breath, momentarily stopping her speech. Huh, this actually felt pretty good. She shifted just slightly, curling her fingers over and over to try and warm her hands.

"I love you, Robin Hood, and I don't think I'm ever going to stop loving you, not completely. Is it completely cliché and overrated to say you stole my heart? Actually, like I said a while ago, you can't steal something that's been given to you. The only problem is, how do I follow my heart when my heart is buried six feet under? It was given to you, but never given back... You taught me how to love, Robin, but you never taught me how to stop so now I have to continue my days missing you. I tried- I tried finding the gift Roland left for me the other day... It was the feather left from your arrow, but it didn't work.. It was trying to find _you_ and you're _gone_ ," another chuckle, this one tearful, "Seems I'm just unlucky in love, maybe it was never truly meant to be,"

That was the thought that terrified her. What if this fate malarkey was just bullshit? What if fate was only a cruel trick, used to merely put two souls together, only to pull them apart? Doubting herself again. She hadn't done that in a long time, _he'd_ always convinced her that she was doing a great job, or that she'd tried her hardest, or that what she'd done was enough. It was only now that Robin was gone that Regina realised how much she depended on him. The brunette forced herself to stand, sniffling and wiping away any remaining tears. With a touch barely there, she traced his name and crest once more. And then she forced herself to take a step back. And another. And another. She forced herself to turn around, despite the new tears threatening to spill.

"Goodbye, Robin Hood."


End file.
